May 7, 2012

Kicking the Pious off of Pious Hippie

So its almost a year since I started blogging.

For those of you who are actually counting, I'm not including the four months I was MIA.
Okay six.

And one question most of my friends ask me is:
What does Pious Hippie mean?
Or why 'Pious Hippie'?

And quite frankly, I used it because it was a bit of an oxymoron.
And I was a bit of a hippie.
And I was a little Pious in that I believed in karma.
And I believed in God and all that.
But not in a religious way- more like my buddy in the sky.

And you know what happens between friends?
They fight.
Not all the time.
But sometimes.
A friendship without a fight is like
sushi without wasabi.

Before you dismiss my simile without a second thought- I want to draw attention to how smart it is.
I could have said pizza without cheese or cupcake without frosting.

But that wouldn't have been accurate.
And also I've said that before.

Accuracy means everything in the use of similes.
Similes without accuracy is like ………a tree without leaves.
A flower without petals.
A bird without feathers.
A needle with no hole.

I LOVE similes.

Moving back to my smart simile.

I used wasabi and sushi because too much wasabi can get a  little annoying.
It can spoil the sushi.
You need just the right amount.
Otherwise, it goes straight to your head and your eyes start watering and your nose starts dripping and your head explodes.
And your blood gets all over the place.
It's messy.
Not good.

So you need just the right amount of fighting in any friendship.

And in my friendship with God, I've just OD'd on wasabi recently.

My nose is dripping, eyes watering, head is about to pop open.
You might wanna get some tissues, in case you get some of my blood on your shirt!
I'm kidding.
Don't really go do that.
I'm wearing a plastic bag over my head!
Don't worry, I've punched holes in it for air.

So I'm a big believer in karma, if you don’t already know.
The only problem I have with it is that when you face the consequences of your karma, whether good or bad, it doesn't carry a tag.
You know?!?
Like something good happens to you, you can't really tell if it was because you helped the old lady cross the road.
Or if something bad happens to you, you won't be able to track it back to the time you shoved that big bully off the swing in second grade.

And that, in my opinion, poses infinite accounting, monitoring and control challenges.

And what makes it worse is, some people actually say that you reap the results of your karma from past births too.
That's just dandy isn't it?!? 

You don't even remember who you were but you're supposed to balance out your karma from your past birth?!?Am I the only one who sees the glaringly obvious glitch in the system?!?

Yea ….yea… I know that’s supposed to make you want to do good deeds all the time…. Blah blah… but still.
It would have been more efficient if we could track 'em.

If nothing else it would serve as a really great motivation system.
We could have an entire karmic accounting system.
With debits and credits.
And then we calculate daily, monthly and annual targets for increasing our good karmic assets and decreasing our bad karmic liabilities.
We could create thousands of jobs by creating a new 'karmic accountant' career.
There could be karmic consultancies.
The potential could have been HUGE.

But we can't track our karma and its consequences.
The system is irrevocably flawed.

And the past month has convinced me even more.

I'll tell you what happened.

So I don’t want to brag but I saved a life.
I put my own life in peril and saved a life.
And I know you think I'm joking…  but I'm not.
I really did it.

I wouldn't have mentioned it if it wasn't to put my point across.

So here's what happened.
Our family's towels are aired out in the yard sometimes when its sunny.
And we pick them up from there before going into the shower.

This one day last week though, I picked up my towel and walked into the bathroom as usual. And just as I was about to turn the tap on, I saw it.


A slimy, orange and black bug on the shower curtain.
I'm pretty sure it was poisonous too.

And in my manic frenzy, I flicked it into the toilet bowl.

And then I discovered, to my relief, that it couldn't swim.
The sucker was going to drown to death.
I watched it writhing in pain, its poisonous prickly legs wriggling.
And I flushed to put the devil where it belongs.

But it didn't go down- it was still floating.
And the more I watched it, the less afraid I grew of it.
And the more I started thinking.

What gave me the right to put an end to this bugs life?
If I was that bug, what would I be feeling right now?
Drowning in unhygienic toilet water?
What was his crime?
Did he know he was on my towel? Would he have stayed on it if he had known?
Who am I to punish him?

Morality awakened and I decided to save it.
I took the toilet brush and gently lowered it into the bowl, low enough for it to cling on.
I threw caution to the wind and without regard to my own life or well being- I brought it out and let it dry itself out. And then I took a piece of paper and let it climb on and released it into the yard again.

Yea okay.
When I mentioned I'd saved a life, I forgot to mention I was the one that put it in danger in the first place.
But you're missing the point.

The point is I felt it's pain.
I disregarded my own safety.
I saved it's life not for the good karma but because I was one with it.

Like in Avatar.
"This is shahaylu -- the bond.
Feel her heartbeat, her breath.
Feel her strong legs.
One with the horse."

And I gotta admit, it felt good after it.
I felt proud of myself and I felt like God would be proud of me.

But you know what?
The next day, I got some bad news.
What the news was is irrelevant, but it was something that made me really sad.
And it left me thinking- what did I do wrong?

I saved the bug's life and this is how God's decided to reward me?

It wasn't just the bug, I'd begun doing a LOT of really good things to people.

Like this other day that same week, there was this crazy rude cab driver and when I was getting off, he gave me more change than he should have. I had half a mind to keep the extra change to spite him. But then I thought of the fact that they'd cut it from his wages and so, I gave the extra change back to him because I didn't want him to pay it out of his pocket.
And I felt proud and I thought God was proud too.

And despite all that I did, this was what I was getting in return?!?
Where's the justice in that?!?

And since then I've stopped talking to Him.
I just don't see what I did that was SOO wrong that he had to reward me so handsomely.

So this is a post where I kick the Pious off of Pious Hippie.
Where I look up at the heavens and scream 'Smite me… oh mighty smiter' ala Bruce Almighty.
Where I'm so livid, I'm almost foaming at the mouth.
Yea. I'm rabid and not in a good way.
I'm wigged out.
I was already wound tight and now I've snapped.
In this post, I rave.
I rant.
Here I raise hell.
Actually, I got nothing more to say.
That's, more or less, it.

I'm fighting with God.
Giving him the silent treatment.
And I think his karma system is a little flawed.
A LOT flawed.

I said it.
Sue me.
Or smite me.

And to the orange bugs out there, I'm warning you guys.

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The Pious Hippie by Ms. Pious Hippie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.