After all
that talk about growing the extra corner and the nuisance it is, I'm going to
talk about something so 'out there' that I'll probably grow another corner just
talking about it.
That's
what I meant last week-
what if
it's in my nature to just keep growing corners irrespective of the trouble each
corner causes?
What if
its my destiny?
What if
God just forgot to put in the normalcy chip in my brain when he sent me down to
earth?
Or even
worse, what if he put in a 'Crazy' chip in there instead?
But I
gotta stay true to the principles of this blog.
I gotta
write about my feelings - no matter how mental they sound.
So far, I
have dazzled the world with my brilliance.
Today, I
shock it with my chutzpah.
I stun it
with my audacity.
I wow it
with my spunk.
I bewilder
it with my sass.
Okay… not
really.
But one of
these days I really will.
Today I'm
only saying stuff which has already been said before.
But I haven't said it before.
So I'm
saying it now.
Pious
Hippie style.
That
implies there's a theory.
That's
what the Pious Hippie magic is about isn't it?
Life
described in a series of scintillating analogies and profound and penetrating
theories.
Okay fine.
It's more
about corny jokes and colorful cartoons.
Whatever.
Moving on.
The theory
is about Happily Ever Afters for girls.
It has
three categories:
The Cinderellas.
Cinderella
always dreamt of prince charming.
Isn't it
amazing how things turned out so well for her?!?
I mean she
didn't even have to move a muscle.
The fairy
Godmother just appeared out of nowhere, styled her clothes, got her
transportation, chauffeur and everything, and sent her on her way.
And even
after the ball, she really didn’t do much.
Even
before she'd finished day-dreaming about the ball, the prince used all his
money and all his might and went around town with her
slipper and found her.
He found her.
And the
shoe was placed on her foot.
She
literally didn't move a muscle.
Not even
to try on the shoe.
Poor
Rapunzel had to let down her hair and haul the 70 odd kilogram prince up to
meet him.
Assuming
he had a healthy BMI and was at least 6 feet tall.
I
calculated the prince's healthy weight from a reasonably assumed BMI.
I'm always
precise about things where accuracy means nothing.
It's my
special talent.
Anyway,
Cinderella's prayers were answered.
And she
lived happily ever after, which, from this moment on will be referred to as HEA
(pronounced hay-ya), coz I'll be using it a lot.
Although
if you're reading this, you probably
don't need to know how it's pronounced.
Except if
you want to show-off your brilliance to your friends.
Anyway,
what happened with Cinderella is what happens with true believers.
True
believers in l-uuhhhh-ve.
The Sleeping Beauties.
Now
sleeping beauty- she was another deal all together.
She was
quite random in my opinion.
She was
barely like 15-16 years old and she fell asleep with the prick of the pin or
something like that.
And she
didn't do any of the dreaming or believing like our Cinderella.
I bet she
hadn't even hit puberty.
And then,
100 years later she was awakened by this prince she didn't even know. And he
asked her to marry him.
And she
just said yes.
Ummm…
weird.
So you
see, the similarity between Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty is that both didn't
so much as lift their pinky fingers and both lived HEA.
The
important difference, however, is I suspect, that Cinderella was probably a lot
happier to see her prince.
She was
probably more happy to get married.
She was
living her childhood dream.
She was
given everything she asked for.
Sleeping
beauty was very … blah.
"I
don't know the guy, but whatever, let's get married."
Blah.
"I've
missed like 100 years of the world around me, but whatever, let's get married
before the ageing sets in."
Blah.
"I
don't really know what my dreams are, what I want with my life but
whatever. I'll figure something out,
let's just get married incase I fall asleep again."
Anyway,
the point is that she gets her HEA.
Now we
come to the most interesting variety.
The Goldilocks.
A little
bit of background here:
In the first
version of this story, in about 1837, Goldilocks was actually an old woman.
A hag.
For those
who want a more graphic description:
Impudent;
bad; foul-mouthed; ugly; dirty; a vagrant deserving of a stint in
the House of Correction.
See who
Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty are up against?
The House
of Correction people.
Later
though, in the 20th Century, she became a cute little blonde girl.
I'm
guessing it was because the was scaring all the kids.
Now, for
the purpose of this theory, she's quite revolutionary.
And here's
why:
A) She has
distinct preferences even in little things like her chair, her bed and her
food.
Chances
are she's going to be just as picky about her 'prince'.
If she's
looking for one, that is.
B) She's
done all the hard work in her story.
She's
moved from chair to chair.
From bed
to bed.
She's
burnt her tongue on Papa bear's porridge.
She's
putting in the footwork man.
She's not
skiving.
She ain't
gonna wait for some fairy Godmother or prince.
She's a
liberated woman, man.
C) We
don’t know her fate.
Does she
meet a prince?
Does she
get the elusive HEA?
Does she
move in with the bears?
Does she
get eaten by them?
Does she
eat them?
Does she
roam the woods in search of better porridges?
Does she
buy her own little cottage in the neighborhood?
Does she
become a real estate agent?
Does she
turn lesbian?
The point
is, she's just as well known as the other two ladies.
Actually
that's not the point.
That's so
far away from the point that I don't know why I said that.
As with
all theories, these aren't mutually exhaustive categories. You can be a
combination of two or more of them and you can evolve into one of them
overtime. Also, the other caveat is that, this only pertains to single women.
I'm Goldilocks, if you haven't already guessed.
I wasn't
always goldilocks.
I used to
be a cinderella and I've done my time as the sleeping beauty in relationships.
But I've
really come into my own as Goldilocks.
Not that I
don’t believe in true l-uuuhhh-ve.
I'm pretty
sure it exists.
I have
friends who are Cinderellas.
And I have
acquaintances who are sleeping beauties.
They're
not my friends obviously- the sleeping beauties.
If they
were my friends, I would have slapped them awake before they did something that
stupid.
But me?!
I'm
beginning to check out the furniture for the first time.
I'm
testing the porridge temperature.
I guess,
I'm beginning to create my own little HEA- different from the conventional HEA.
It
probably has some combination of cupcakes, meditation, yoga, trading foreign
exchange, travelling, pasta and cows.
You spend
a little time with cows and they grow on you.
Heh heh..
Cows
growing on you.
Funny
mental image.
I would've
drawn this out for you, but I'll die laughing while doing it.
Anyway, I
think the conventional HEA is overrated.
No offense
to the Cinderellas.
It's great
for people who want it.
But it’s a
little unfair to expect everyone to want it.
I've tried
my hand at relationships.
And I've
tried being single.
During my
Cinderella phase, I hate to admit, but I used to day dream too.
I used to
believe that 'there's someone out there for everyone'.
It's okay.
You can
barf.
I almost did.
I thought
I'd find him eventually.
But little
by little, as God puts in the pieces of my life's jigsaw puzzle in, His designs
are becoming clearer and clearer.
He hasn't
made me for a conventional HEA.
He's made
me self-sufficient.
That’s why
He's made me the way I am.
That's why
He's shown me the things I've seen.
That's why
He's taught me the things I've learnt.
That's why
He's given me the experiences I've had.
I feel
like Samantha from SATC- without the promiscuity.
And
without the financial success, at the moment.
I'll have
to wait a few thousand years before I can afford a Birkin.
God's made
me this way.
And he
doesn't make mistakes apparently.
Ooh, there
ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
I'm on the
right track, baby, I was born this way
Baby, I
was born this way!
Sorry.
It's
impossible not to get carried away with that song.
For the
first time ever, I feel like I've seen
everything there is to see. I've felt everything first hand:
Subconscious love for someone.
Amazement.
Euphoria.
Regret.
Desperation.
Heartache.
Security.
Doubt.
Disappointment.
Uncertainty.
Vulnerability.
Rejection.
Peace.
I've been
through it all - one by one.
I've
tasted the hot porridge and the cold one, tried the hard bed and the soft one, the
big chair and the small one. I'm settling down on something that's right for
ME.
I'm
Goldilocks man.
I make my
own HEA.
High fives
to all the other Goldilocks' out there.
And to all
the Cinderellas.
I know the
Sleeping Beauties haven't stuck around to get to the end of this post.
They hate
me for calling them blah.
You call a
rose a rose and the lily gets mad.
Geez.
Touchy
much?!
***
Yea.
Okay.
I know
that last line made no sense.
***
