So you know the time when I said I needed to get my thoughts together -
a couple of days ago?!?
They're together now.
Like totally together.
Like so together you couldn't pry them apart with all the tools in the world.
There wasn't much of effort required… because I found these words in the 'most awesomest book in the world'- The Black Swan.
This is what it says:
'Missing the train is only painful if you run after it'.
It's as simple as that.
I talked about how I get the feeling of having lagged behind all my peers.
Everyone's working in stable jobs.
They have their savings which they use to finance holidays abroad.
And get mud baths.
And visit other friends for their birthdays.
And miss annoying family get-togethers because of work.
And I have nothing.
I gotta go to every last one of those darned get-togethers.
I missed the train.
And everyone else I know, is on it… headed towards eternal domestic and professional bliss.
Okay .. I know that's not true.
I just said that for dramatic appeal.
They'll have their ups and downs too.
But to a person -watching the train disappear in the distance- that's what it looks like.
The Black Swan goes on to say:
'(…) Not matching the idea of success others expect from you is only painful if that's what you are seeking.
You stand above the rat race and the pecking order, not outside it- if you do so by choice.'
That's the thing.
The thing is - I WAS on the train.
And I jumped off.
The Black Swan elaborates:
'Quitting a high paying position, if it is your decision, will seem a better payoff than the utility of money involved. (This may seem crazy but I've tried it and it works). This is the first step toward the stoic's throwing a four-letter word at fate. You have far more control over your life if you decide on your criterion by yourself.'
So it doesn't make sense to feel bad about missing the train right?!
Well… logically it doesn't.
The problem is that those who miss the train… or jump off on purpose… are constantly bombarded with images of what it's like ON the train.
So the train leaves the station but there are those CCTV cameras on board and it's compulsory to watch their journey to eternal bliss.
Don't get me wrong.
If I was to live my life over- I'd jump off it again.
But I have to be honest.
I sure miss the comfort of 'belonging' (to the train).
There's a sense of security- a deep psychological need- to be 'one of the crowd'.
If any of this is making any sense to you…
then whether you like it or not… you're like me.
I don't mean that as an insult.
I just mean that you've kind of- sort of missed the train.
But we need to keep reminding ourselves that - no matter how we end up, in fact, even if we die as 'failures'- we made up the rules ourselves.
'It is more difficult to be a loser in a game you set up yourself.'
It's hard sometimes.
So hard that sometimes you could write a LOONNNG blog post about it and be completely convinced… only to forget everything the next day.
But you gotta keep reminding yourself.
And, also, remember-
That the fact that the grapes are sweet or sour is irrelevant-
if you rejected them from the very beginning.
Also, that the tortoise won the race.
And that no one listens to the boy who cries 'wolf' all the time.
The last story has nothing to do with failure or lagging behind…
but it's still a lesson worth remembering.
Don't you think??!