Brain Para-gliding

I love the word hypocrisy.

It reminds me of a big fat hippo on a throne with a crown on his head.

If you have no idea of what I'm talking about:

Hypocrisy= hypo (pronounced 'hippo') + crisy (like 'demo-cracy' or 'auto-cracy')

I do take a lot of effort to keep my brain fit and sharp.

Thank you for noticing.

There are other words that I like, but there's one word that has me a little disconcerted. Its even more annoying because people use it a LOT nowadays with the onslaught of the 'Conceptual age'.

Brainstorm.

I'm no English expert nor am I a meteorologist, but from what I know a storm is BAD.

Storms create havoc. They are manifestations of the fury of nature as it were.

Storms suck.

So by that logic, brainstorming should be a bad thing.

That's obviously not true.

I, therefore, proclaim the official expulsion of the word 'brainstorm' from the English language in view of it's misleading reference to the disturbance in the earth's atmosphere which has unpleasant repercussions for the human race. I, further, decree that all future mention of the above said word be replaced by a more fitting alternative. 'Brain para-gliding', 'brain-bungee-jumping' or less extreme versions like 'brain-jogging' or 'brain gym-ing' are acceptable.

The rationale for this substitution is that all such activities involve invigorating adrenaline rushes similar to that experienced by the brain after a session of "brainstorming". On account of the accuracy and lucidity of this new terminology, it should be brought into use in everyday parlance immediately.

Failure to do so will indicate ignorance and stupidity and is punishable by law.

Okay. I'm lying about the last part.

Why am I hypersensitive about this word?

It's because I've been thinking.

With all this talk about Kings and Jacks, antennae and instincts, I'm still left a little speechless when people ask me what I do.

Which happens a LOT by the way.

It's the second scariest question in the world.

Right after 'Do you want fries with your burger?'.

You say 'no' you feel bad. You say 'yes' you feel guilty. 

What am I really doing?

Am I an imposter? The donkey in the lion skin?

The moron who is making up excuses for her lack of career? Or direction? Or both?

Am I justifying my failures using this 'path to happiness' mumbo-jumbo?

I don't feel like I'm lying to myself.

So I set out to define what I do.

Actually I set out to find out what I do exactly.

I looked back at everything I've done in my life, thus far. The stuff I've done by design, not by default.

My business plan for the bake shop that I dreamt of. The boutique I started in my head. The branding strategy for the two. The presentation for the shop I wanted to set up. The Certified Financial Technician qualification I got myself. The home accessory catalogue. The meditation camp. And now this blog.

On a side-note, I'm surprised my parents haven't thrown me out of the house yet. The thankless job of parenting is hard as it is. And then the anguish of having a clueless kid stumbling through life makes up for a pretty tragic horror movie.

Remind me never to have kids.

I'm a brainstormer.

I apologize.

I'm a 'brain paraglider'.

Catchy isn't it?

I like doing anything that involves coming up with ideas.

Whether it's for food, for clothes, for interior design, for financial market trading or for writing.

That's what I like doing.

And I think I'm quite okay at it.

And that's what I do now.

It's what I will do for a living.

It will take time.

But I know its possible. And I know I can make it happen. I know I will.

I have a plan. And I would tell you about it.

But if I tell you, I'll have to kill you.

.

.

.

Well, no, not really.

But I don’t want to tell you because then you'll go ahead and do it before me.

 

But that's hardly something I can use to answer the question:

'What do you do nowadays?'

If I say 'I'm a professional brain para-glider', people will pat my parents sympathetically on their shoulder and say 'hang in there'.

Because when people ask you 'what you do' they mean 'what do you do that earns you the dough?', 'What's getting you the moolah? Where do you get the loot from? How do you get your benjamins? Where's the skrilla coming from? Where do you get the quid to blow your lid?'

I am down with the kids, yo.

Sorry. I got carried away.
I don't actually know what the last statement means.
I apologize if it means something obscene.

For those questions I have another strategy.

Throw a bunch of hoity-toity words at them. The kinds that mean the same thing but no one understands. And they wouldn't want to risk clarifying in fear of sounding stupid.

One such word is 'creative generalist'.

If you don't believe something like that exists, think again.   

If you still don't think it exists, let me know. I'll sort you out.

I've just discovered that there's a whole revolution taking place right under our eyes.

Or is that under our noses?

And there's a LOT of place for people like me.

And if you're like me, then people like you too.

So I'm not the donkey in the lion's skin. I'm the caterpillar that’s waiting for her wings to sprout. 

***

Listen to Mustn'ts, child, listen to the Don'ts.

Listen to the Shouldn'ts, the Impossibles, the Won'ts.

Listen to the Never Haves, then listen close to me.

Anything can happen, child, Anything can be.

-Shel Silverstein

Where the Sidewalk Ends (1974)

***

When your grandchildren ask you about the brilliant linguist/philosopher who was awarded the honorary PhD from Harvard and Stanford simultaneously for giving the world the gift of the phrase 'brain para-glider', tell them that you were there. You witnessed history in the making. Okay?

.

.

.

Okay?

.

.

.

Hello? Hello?

.

.

.

Tap. Tap.

Is this thing on?